I think I said they add subtle flavor at least 4 times.

Such a huge bummer. As a plus-size clothes wearer, Modcloth has been of my go to’s because they have such cute products. I won’t continue to shop there if they’re owned by Walmart, though. I refuse to support a company that treats its employees so badly.

How much did big bay leaf pay you to write this piece? You’re a goddamned fraud.

“Unfortunately, I do not have the same aptitude for the written word, but if I did I can assure you that my tale would be about the most epic love story — ours.”

I can literally look up every single Google voice search I have ever done and have my own voice played back to me so.... no.

She does look great, but I’m skeptical of that size 4 thing. She looks like I did at a size 8.

none of their ages.....make..........sense

He actually bottoms from the top, because of his social conscience.

Yes. I feel like I should qualify this by saying that I would probably be very drunk, but I know that’s not true.

first i’ll need to verify whether or not i have a scheduling conflict.

Would you have sex with Tim Kaine’s son?

I think this is great, because it will ensure that there are less kids in the theatres without jungle gyms.

Most of the women in my life don’t have the luxury of being able to take off work. My mom and sister have both said they will participate by not spending money anywhere tomorrow. I plan on doing the same. I have class tomorrow night that is taught by a woman, and 9 of the 11 students are women. I am bringing coffee…

deadspin reader here. please no. please no deadspin people. please.

I’ve shared this before, but I lost my 16 year old daughter to suicide 5/29/16. There is not one thing that her father and I would not have done to save our beautiful girl. And this fucking bitch can sleep at night????? Our entire family continually thinks about the “what ifs” surrounding her death. And this bitch can…

2X1 jalapeño mango-ritas?!? That deal is worth it even if you have to drink them in the same room as Casey Anthony.  

Taco Bell reeeallly fucked up when they neglected to put ground beef inside their chicken chalupa shell. Just missed the boat entirely.....

What percentage of the time would his shirt be off?

I think I hate him less because I hate Trump so much. I don’t have enough malice to go around.

Trump makes W seem smart. How far we’ve fallen.