Wow. Okay, now that I know that Chipotle packs a lot of calories, can we have another article where it tells me how expensive it is? NYT can use the same photos.

I enjoy my job, I just hate the management. I'm looking for a lateral move, which employers don't really understand, but I know that I'm not ready for the position above mine yet. Also, I work in non-profit, so you don't really work these jobs unless there's some passion involved.

Too late. This morning she handed me the invite, which also had a section that was whited out because they're not actually having any food at the reception following her 7pm on a Friday wedding. I must find a reason to decline!

I know, and I don't see how she can move her arms. Clearly this is lounge wear. Just enough freedom of movement for using the remote.

Maybe with leggings.

I don't have a problem with honeymoon registries, but my coworker intends to put a poem encouraging people to give her money in her wedding invite. I mentioned that I thought it was a no-no to put a mention of gifts in your invite, but she said it's all over Pinterest so it's okay.

Um, that's my type, too. I guess I'm not the special snowflake I knew I wasn't. ;)

My best friend says she can tell if I'd like a guy because there's something "a little off" about his appearance.

As much as it pains me, I may have to save next week's stupid customers article until Friday. I deal with so much stupid at work that I probably shouldn't get myself ramped up so early in the week.

I can only imagine how disproprotionate she's going to look. Gaining 8 inches in her legs but arms and torso remain the same? Damn.

Good point. I need to find one of those gigs.

Sure, when RBG is tipsy at a work function, she's "living her best life," but when I do it, I'm "on my second strike."

I feel this is worth bringing up again.

I really need Flula to teach me more German.

Are you kidding me? Jeez. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I think it's partly because I don't spend my time trying to figure out how to dick people over.

I wondered which male Teen Mom star could possibly want his face on a condom. Yeah, Gary's face would keep me from getting pregnant, mostly because a dick covered in that would get nowhere near my vagina.

And not just Beck. Oh, Elisabeth Moss....

I must eat like a man. I ordered shrimp and grits at a business lunch a few weeks ago, and it wound up being like an ice cream scoop of grits and four grilled shrimp. I seriously could have eaten it all in three bites. I slowed way down and still finished about five minutes before the other two at the table who had…

Eh, I know you only lightly edit people's submissions. It mostly made me wonder if they were just lying about not being Americans. I expected pretending to be Europeans confused about American tipping was going to be a plot twist.

Well this gay couple comes in, and they spoke English very, very, well