In Alaska they call this "campaigning".

This can't possibly be real.

New Eagles QB Mark Sanchez wears a specialized bracelet, as well, only his beeps when he ventures within 500 yards of a high school.

"Don't draft this guy."

Awesome proposal, Matt. Now, tell us your plan for the white players.

For maximum impact, read the piece using a Foghorn Leghorn voice.

"I don't really have any good advice here."

#USC QB Cody Kessler orders water to drink at a restaurant. Gotta think that's symbolic. He knows that water is a colorless, transparent, odorless, tasteless liquid that forms the seas, lakes, rivers, and rain and that water is the basis of the fluids of all living organisms.

Birds, showing why we invented the word "birdbrain," don't have the visual or spatial acuity to tell the difference between "outside" and "a reflection of outside."

You guys must have been sheer hell on the editors at B/R.

That's a black man in the US saying that Sam shouldn't have a chance because it wouldn't be smooth.

If there's anyone who needs a guide, it's Derek Jeter. Poor guy is completely lost any time he has to go a couple feet to his left or right.

Whoa whoa whoa, can I get tits on my newspaper's front page???

Too bad hockey isn't more popular in Pakistan.

I bet you Jeter's kids will give him a "World's Greatest Dad" mug every year, despite the overwhelming evidence that he's not even in the top 10 greatest dads.

More like Caroline Woznotexpectingthat!!!!11!

The Cubs have announced they'll replace the mural with one depicting Lou Gehrig's famous "Luckiest man on earth" speech.

well hears to hoping that after a few more evolutionary cycles the bears will figure out how to resume killing rednecks

Calm down. These rants ganja kill you one day.

I'm going to be blunt. If Henderson's marijuana problems are chronic, he's sowing the seeds of his own failure. But this is a joint problem for both players and owners. Management snoops around in player's private lives and uses drug testing to weed out problem players, while the players wish the media would just pipe…