You’re wrong.

Whelp, all that time I spent making fake food with it as a kid when I could have made real food.

And the unadopted man (he’s 19, not like a toddler or something) ALREADY HAS A FUCKING FATHER!

Yeah, it’s a weird defence, because he isn’t being accused of giving too many women money, he’s being accused of sleeping with an underaged girl. Being “generous” towards her and buying her plane tickets and hotel rooms doesn’t make it better, Matty-boy.

Why is his empty head so damn big, and his dumb face so damn orange? Why is he dressed like a used car salesman or some kind of shady preacher at an old-timey Christian revival show being held in a tent in some field? Why does he think that there’s a conspiracy to get him, which started under Trump? WHY DOES HE…

In pictures where he doesn’t look like a cartoon douche bag, he looks like an Orville Faubus arguing for segregation.

That tweet aged so poorly, even Matt Gaetz wouldn’t try to fuck it.

Ted Cruz would like a word. 

Dump’s secret is his particular brand of lunacy; he really, truly, deeply believes that he never, ever does anything wrong. Thus, he can be completely sincere when he insists that up is down, black is white, his wall is big and beautiful and he is rich and loved.

I think he likes Underage, period.

When cooking a frozen pizza, flatten the box it came in. When the pizza’s done, slide it off the oven rack right onto the flattened box and cut with your pizza cutter. Saves having to wipe down your cutting board. Put pizza slices on a plate & dump the crumb-covered flattened box (which was guaranteed to be just about…

Why do I have a complete lack of surprise over this?

Don’t forget: He has a 19-year-old man he “adopted” at age 12.  And, “adopted” is in quotations because he hasn’t legally and officially adopted the boy.

This chucklefuck has the world's most punchable face. That is all.

/seeing the header image

Pretty sure it’s... Deep state hoax, found the children from Biden’s kids laptop porn, then one of them is forced to date Matt Gaetz for months in a sexual rel— er, I mean, Hillary Clinton, at Benghazi, Q said—-

According to three people briefed on the matter, the scrutiny of Gaetz’s conduct is part of a larger investigation into his political ally, local Florida official Joel Greenberg. Greenberg was indicted last summer on charges which included both the sex trafficking of a child, as well as financially supporting a…

The reports today that he was thinking about an early retirement from Congress to work at Newsmax stunk to high heaven. An ambitious bootlicker like Gaetz doesn’t just jump ship like that. He was probably trying to get out and ink a lucrative deal before the investigation became public, so that he could then pretend…

My rice cooker changed my life. Never going back.

It was probably bought with the intention of watching porn, and then they just ended up watching the Office reruns.