My parents had gone on a beach vacation in the summer a few years ago, and they bought back nice gifts for my siblings and their families, like hoodies, candles, ornaments, and gave them out at Christmas. And for me, oh boy, they had “saved” for me their USED little bottles of hotel shampoo and conditioner (there was…

I agree, although I completely embarrassed myself once by saying so. My in-laws (before they were my in-laws) handed me a wrapped present and I exclaimed how nice it was for them to think of me and give me a gift and then I went into a diatribe about how no one is thoughtful like that anymore and people just give gift …

A few years ago, my mother-in-law gave me a pair of niceish socks. They were exceedingly boring and in no way a thoughtful gift, bit I did need a few pairs of decent socks, so whatever, I said “thanks, I’ve been needing to get some more socks.” She replied, “good, because I tried giving them to my dad and he didn’t…

It’s like putting your gorgeous bridesmaids in hideous dresses so you look better by comparison. She was giving you spite clothes. 

If I have to.

Wow. Couldn’t be anymore appropriate representative of our current version of America. Mock someone for how they speak in a capacity that all but guarantees immediate wide scale exposure. Then offer a meaningless apology.

This is my biggest complaint about people who bitch about someone’s English when it’s not their first language.

What’s the problem here?  She’s the perfect representative for the United States in 2018.

Well that was about as interesting as dishwater. Brad Pitt would be a welcome addition to the underwhelming notches she boasts of to the tabloids. 

Imagine being the woman who sleeps with Kid Rock, Jack Osbourne and Dax Shepard.  Why would you even ADMIT it?

Find some (sober) fishing buddies

You know that quiet kid down the block...you know, always pleasant, kinda shy...but then it turns out he’s been torturing the neighborhood pets in his mom’s basement?

WITCH HUNT!

“I honestly can’t believe we’re still doing this shit.”

My father’s side were born and spent much of their lives in Austria/Germany. Growing up I learned that there was two things at every dinner table, regardless of month or season: broth soup as a starter, and crusty bread during the meal (seriously, my grandparents eventually settled in Florida, and friggin SOUP was…

Your constant eating of trash off the ground has probably helped build up your immune system to the point that you’re indestructible.

If you are with family, i feel like the rotate method works pretty well. Though i will add the caveat that unless you take tiny bites, one should probably limit your rotation to just one as the odds of some of your unlipped chips going into the dip goes way down after that.

I am currently busy being enemies with Maroon 5, but I vote Brandi Carlisle.  They can recreate The Joke video with various athletes who have spoken out or been discriminated against.  Or Margo Price and they can seat the people from All American Made throughout the audience and they could all slowly walk down to the…

Nerf Gun. No one is ever too old for a nerf gun.

Snuggie. Everybody loves them but no one wants to be seen buying one.