Thanks detective, for your totally useless assumptions. Good work.

It’s almost as if people die all the time every year...

Why were the Raptors trying to score with 10 seconds left? They were down 15. Dribble it out. You’re going to lose anyway. But somehow losing by 17 is worse than losing by 15? How about not getting your ass beat in the first place?

“Right to have a team”?

A) No one, least of all fans have the right to a team. This is the attitude that got us into this ridiculousness in the first place.

I am really getting tired of this shit. Oh, the poor fans. It is not a surprise to anyone on planet earth that these franchises don’t care about their fans except as sources of income. Nobody has any illusions about this anymore - how could they possibly? The fans understand this perfectly well; whether they choose to…

Pro sports corporations don’t give a shit about their fans.

Lopez’s punch was so slow, Stevie Wonder could have dodged it even if he was blind.

Yes, you’re right. It definitely is not a sports entertainment promotion featuring musclebound men wearing sparkly spandex costumes slamming each other around for spectacle. It’s some whole other, more serious thing.

Hello person who doesn’t live in a place where there’s snow. You shovel before it’s done because if you wait until there’s a foot of heavy, wet snow on the ground then you’re fucked. A shovel full of heavy, wet snow weighs approximately one million pounds (estimate). Also, in places where snow is thing, people…

Those boys are going to have that driveway as a bitching point for the rest of their lives.

Or Derrick Rose

STICK TO FOOTBALL NOT JOKES. UR NAMES JIMMY GAROPPOLO NOT JENEANE GARAPPOLO. FAKE NEWS

Huh?

Easy. Their franchise was built on an Ancient Native American stereotype and is thus cursed.

have you ever heard of a man with 50 liters of blood having a stroke tho

buddy i have 30 liters of blood in me im never going to have a stroke

That’s a lot of words, when you could have just said “I’m a misogynistic idiot”.

Or he’s a creep preying on a student, and his behavior was entirely unprofessional and would get most people fired from a normal business.

wow what an unbelievably bad take.