“Well, I’ve already done one, guess I’d pick the other...” and then leave him guessing which one.

(Editor’s Note: Bob must not have been doing the job for very long if he was mortified by that question, because servers and cooks say WAYYYYYYYY more fucked-up shit to each other pretty much every day)

She also does trapeze, as you discover midway through this video (she’s also got her Bachelor’s degree in Circus Arts).

He deserves to be punched in the face with a Kia.

A whiteness of teenage girls ordering frappuccinos.

Same way a parent has to eventually tell their daughter that they’re not actually a princess or that their son can’t wear a cape to school.

If Rachel has always felt like a white woman trapped in a black woman’s body, is it for us to say that she’s “lying”?

People who use ‘but it’s the law’ as a defense make excellent fascists because they’ve lost the ability to distinguish law from justice.

Actually, the best way to turn a normal teenager who sometimes smokes weed into a criminal is putting them in jail. Your education gets disrupted, you have troubles finding a job with your record after and you meet lots of real criminals in jail. Jail basically is crime school.

I just think of how aggressive the ducks in the park got after years of people throwing bread to them and then I magnify that by bear.

Seems like a great way to break your phone and have to buy a new one.

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

Of course, he really should be redirecting people to the appropriate email:

Is this magical pepper grinder similar to the portal device in my kitchen that transforms bread into toast?

i do still get extra nice treatment at my local home depot after the ranting customer in the garden center once turned around and asked me to validate his commitment to the idea that the cashier have all the SKU’s for patio stones memorized after he’d been calling her stupid for two minutes solid. i told him he was…

Peppercorn guy really buried the lede there. An 1815 Canadian fur trade themed wedding? Photos or it didn’t happen.

I always assumed a poached egg was some sort of lion egg that hunters acquired using unscrupulous means.

Oh, it’s still ongoing two years later! It turned into The Great Debate among the adults about whether they were formed that way by their creator or whether they once had tails but had evolved over time to their current form. Ultimately, it appears that we have decided to teach the controversy.

It’s not a “won’t eat” thing but my favorite kid-food experience is when my 3 year-old niece asked why tortellini don’t have tails.

The kindergarten teachers at my elementary school subjected me and my peers to a similar experience, though it was one BIG gingerbread man - like, 24" tall, not too much smaller than a kindergartener. While it was gone, I was afraid. It was large enough to be dangerous. And absconding like that... what else might it…