The sheriff is near!

And the winner of the 2014 Mike Lupica "Stay in Your Lane" Award for clueless social commentary by a sports writer goes to......Kevin Draper!

Dink....dart...dagger. Messi.

I just hope if the police do detain him, they treat him with respect, use their words to convince him to comply and if he doesnt, shoot him in the leg or taze him or something nice so he doesnt get too hurt.

"Dink....dart...dagger. Messi"

As I'm sure you know, despite that fact that there may be slight variability on the effects of alcohol from individual to individual, there is a fairly well established correlation between certain levels of BAC and behaviors/impairments. Your male friends who "can't handle" two pours of whiskey are not borderline…

"And, if the accuser was as drunk as she says she was, she wasn't even close to being capable of giving consent."

Noooo. Right scene though...

I cant be the only one waiting for the phrase "cunt punt" to appear somewhere in that craziness, right?

And your "this is hilarious to no one but us" batting average is still 1.000

Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT: a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that.

This looks like a Saturday Night Live skit. The lady on the right looks like Ana Gasteyer, and the guy in the back on the keys could be Will Ferrell

I can't be the only one who expected someone to come up behind both of them and yell "Fuck her right in the pussy!", right?

HELLO FRIENDS!

I'm just spitballing here, but I'm guessing its a total coincidence that the same day Anheuser-Busch-spender of $200 million in advertising and sponsorships-publicly expressed that it was "disappointed and increasingly concerned" about the NFL's handling of domestic abuse and child abuse incidents, the Vikings changed…

I guess its too much to ask for to hope that Jeff Wilpon once decked his wife in an elevator, huh?

"This line of reasoning is, though, an insidious artifact of our time: the notion that because someone—Bruce Levenson, say—is a mere inheritor of American society's racial stratification, this inoculates him against charges of racism when he figures out how to navigate that stratification profitably; the notion…

"Bob knew all the star discovery stories by heart: Pam Anderson on the scoreboard at a Canadian Football League game...Lana Turner at a Hollywood malt shop. So when he heard about the decision to turn TV's 'Family Guy' into a live-action full length feature film, he knew there was only one way to fulfill his dream of…

"Is there anything you can do to increase the chances your kid will be left-handed, and therefore more likely to have a shot at Williamsburg?"

I can't wait for the first piece about the name Redskins being raycess on the new site which exists based on the idea that a members of minority group have similar interests because they have (roughly) the same skin color.