Left Shark doesn't know what crab water tastes like?

Step 1: do whatever you want. Step 2: repeat every goddamn day.

I'm recently divorced and living alone for the first time ever. It's AMAZING. My ex husband was super critical and I am experiencing freedom like I've never known.

For reals, I mean, I'm pretty "Dude-ish" but every time "crazy in love" comes on I'm like:

Probs some EDM song you wouldn't know Probs some EDM song you wouldn't know Probs some EDM song you wouldn't know

I just want to be sure I'm following this.

Hey, maybe the Duggars and PETA can get over their differences come together on their mutual disdain for women!

When my thighs are wrapped around his neck, I can't even see them.

THAT VIDEO! I haven't cackled like that in forever. I'm also not going to be able to sleep for at least a week.

When I was suddenly given a cancer diagnosis, we were stunned. But, I later found out from my mother that he called and told her that she didn't need to worry. He was not ever leaving me and that he would take care of her only child no matter what.

"the first name of a cheerleader and the face of a weak-chinned stock photo lesbian"

Also in "Why Not?"

"but at her core, she had a good heart and sense of humility."

Ehh...your heart is a bit asymmetrical, and you barely have a lung gap.

I know, right? So cuddly

A 6-foot wingspan? What does it eat, children!?

That's gonna attract bears.

25 gravity filled years later:

My best pickup wasn't even mine. It was my kid's.

On my fathers 50th birthday we threw him a surprise party. All eight of my siblings made the trip to be there and one of my younger brothers brought his then girlfriend and her cousin tagged along. I immediately noticed her gracefulness but at the time was going through the realization that I had failed at my chosen…