Meh, I learned a lot. Married a not-asshole! Actually, experiencing Fuckslug made me change all my timid bullshittery when it came to relationships; next guy was most decent man I've ever met. And he was ALL about the condoms, up til marriage. Said he was doing "his part." Knew he was a keeper.

He can get it.

Just put it on his wall.

Wow, you're really cool, you know that? TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

I once found out a boyfriend was cheating when I was visited a new friend's apartment for the first time a few days after Valentine's Day. She had on her mantle the exact same card that my boyfriend had given me. We laughed about it when I mentioned it and she picked it up to read to me what her boyfriend had written…

I have stains that aren't period stains. I have discharge stains. Many. Am I actually the only one on earth, or is talking about discharge such a taboo that no one will admit it?

Oh, and that's another creepy aspect - the wildlife guy asked me if our dogs could have possibly trapped something and there was a carcass on our lawn.

Selfie works linguistically and kind of came to be organically. Usie is the AP equivalent of making fetch happen.

P.S. DISAGREEING WITH HOW ISRAEL IS HANDLING IT'S "SITUATION" DOES NOT MAKE YOU A JEW HATER.

Martha Stewart is pretty high up on my "people I fucking love list." Lindy West right above her!

How is Onika Tanya Maraj doing? How does she truly feel about Nick Minaj right now?

How will boys, already conditioned to sexualize girls at a young age, internalize this big booty of yours?

Yeah, how dare someone with an opinion try to shove it down my throat without first paying a monthly rental fee to a third-party for the right to do so.

Here's a bonus tale of billboard vandalism. I've told this story before on Kitchenette but this time I have a picture, which is worth a thousand words.

And you're the last thing he wants to deal with at the end of the day, WTF? I deal with annoying people all day I don't get to punch them and oh yeah I also don't have 100lbs of muscle on them either. Having a bad day does not mean you get to punch people. She is really all kinds of wrong on this one.

This puts me in the uncomfortable position of having to agree with Jenny McCarthy, and I don't like it.

It's a bit weird, but I was unusually happy with the clip showing the people from the lumber district escaping up trees with their climbing spikes. It was pretty badass!

Aaaaand here's another reason why we need a more detailed and specific sex education curriculum in schools, so that no kid has to grow up to be a repressed, bitter and frustrated individual like yourself.

A bit of background: my mom worked in an office setting where clients would come to sit at her desk while they worked out details for jobs. She kept a photo of me on her disk, and occasionally women of a certain age would notice, and inevitably I would get a call from her saying she gave my number to some guy's…

The first time is the worst time. I was 17 and this guy I worked with 'dared' me to sneak into his house and do it with him (he was a virgin too). I told my mom I was staying at a girlfriend's house and then snuck into his parent's house undetected and into his bedroom. We were both too awkward to just start making…