I would never look at you like that! I love rhubarb so much. Last year I also made a rhubarb shrub which made me feel super fancy when I drank my virgin cocktails.

DING DING DING!

Coke Zero is kind of the bomb of diet sodas!

As someone who does not like fruit pie and therefore only eats pies that are chocolate cream, coconut cream or pecan.... yes, having ice cream (any ice cream at all) with, let alone on top of, chocolate cream pie is massively weird. Whipped cream, yes, ice cream, what the fuck. That ain’t right.

Heeeyy, I like extra sauce on my chicken. And I’m not sorry. But I agree about everything else - the diet coke, the thousand island dressing, blehhh! Also, ice cream on a cream pie seems bizarre. But I’m not a big cream pie person so maybe I’m just unfamiliar.

Yeah, I mean, has he not seen the big board yet?

Ha. I also thought about Hole when I saw it was titled Malibu. Glad I’m not the only one.

the best part is he both “hadn’t heard it” and “came up with it”....

I loooove peanut butter in my oatmeal. I also like to mash up a banana (like turn it into complete mush) and mix it in with the peanut butter.

My fingers are so crossed I’m getting early-onset arthritis!

Yeah; any number have people have floated the idea that they’ll keep him around only so long as he is useful, and can advance their agenda, and as soon as they think he’s a liability he’ll be jettisoned. Pence may be implicated too, though, which leaves Paul “Smugma” Ryan. Feel free to use “smugma”; I think it fits.

They’ll have to interview President Yates and find out.

You all know that Ina is not eating that Quaker instant shit. My girl Ina is probably rocking steel cut oats cooked in milk from a cow that’s fed nothing but organic wheatgrass and tops it with fresh cinnamon and apples from an orchard in Vermont. I can’t wait for Jeffrey to die so I can make Ina my wife and I’m not…

God, how FUCKING STUPID IS HE?

Yelling “Scoreboard” at every opportunity is a proud Republican tradition. Ben Stein really raised it to an art form.

They’ll be using them as placemats in jail. In fact, that’s what Trump’s ghost will say when he inevitably haunts Mar-a-Lago: but what about the electoral vootteeesssss. It’ll be the scariest thing since Bloody Mary.

I’ve never seen a group of people so mad they won an election.

I’ve heard some people say that part of the reason Trump did this was because he wanted to change the headlines and didn’t expect the backlash to be this large because of...reasons? Honestly that man and his team are straight up stupid and lucked into the whitehouse. Hopefully America can luck them out of it pretty…

Thank you. I am on a roller-coaster of hopeful/fearful.