Hear that, religious freedom voters? You should keep your values separate from your policies!

Just like exporting torture to black sites and halting funding to countries that practice family planning: we have decided that that those abroad do not merit the rights our own citizens enjoy.

We don’t need no relocations.

I love that this spat happened with a Brietbart goon. If they turn on Trumpenstein it will be glorious to behold.

The gay spirits will rise from the corpses and haunt the funeral home forever with festive parties and a keen fashion sense.

I have never understood how completely devoid of empathy people can be. When someone loses their spouse, you bend over backwards to ease their pain. You don’t flip them the bird and make life even harder.

I think he basically just Streisaned himself into that.

The only consolation I can cling to is that Richard Nixon, much smarter than Trump and a skilled career politician, was forced to resign, so hopefully history will repeat itself.

Just honing in on some specific details because AARRHGGHH but:

Sorry, preexisting conditions are no longer covered.

I thought that Putin poll line was “What about the booty call?” which I thought seemed like a weird question to ask.

WRECK OF THE EDMUND FITZGERALD BABY!

The actual correct answer is french toast.

I’m actually developing a foot problem from exercising too much. I need this guy to tell what the perfect window is.

Hey Brooks - you mean like the time I was fully vaccinated, boosters and all, and caught f@cking whooping cough at the age of 35 in the year 2016 because herd immunity is a thing of the past?

Nerf stoning? We can bring back the public humiliation aspect without the actual fatalities. Heck, maybe it’s the boost Koosh balls need to become mainstream again!

Where does this madness end? It’s frankly ridiculous to insert asparagus into the story of a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father and can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is…

As I said in another post. As an immigrant who comes from a country that has been declared to have no freedom of the press and where journalists keep being murdered without anyone doing shit: Freedom of speech IS EXACTLY WHY MANY OF THE BEST IMMIGRANTS COME HERE because we were tired of having to shut up in our own…

I just finished my Constitutional Law flashcards that I made for the bar exam. This motherfucker wants a fight? Give me til November when I pass this sucker and it’s on, bro.