"Well this looks illegal."

That's cute. I remember when I had my first Capri Sun.

Donald Duck and Porky Pig were fucking visionaries.

Just curious—so we're done with pants now? Should I go ahead and take mine off, then? I don't want to seem like I'm 'not with it' or 'uncool.' Thanks.

If touch the sky is your example of ruining the artform, then I'mma need for you to do better. That video was hilarious. Nia Long, dude. That's all.

Come on. It happens to Louis CK and Carrot Top all of the time.

OH GOD. I didn't look too closely and assumed there must be some hugely significant Chris Rock quote in the article that I missed. Because the alternative COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE TRUE.

Apprenticeship is magic!

The Kanye does not dress pregnant people. That'd be like asking Rembrandt to paint on cardboard.

Who wears a bra with pajamas?

Stephen's phone. Oh good lord, I'm dying.

JESSICA IS SOOOO PRETTY. I LOVE HER!

Might I suggest a Donna Brazile side eye?

'Not feminine — feminist.
What does that mean, you're a lesbian or something?'

If I was still living in Alabama my response might have been, "well... bless your heart." Some of you will know what I'm saying.

I am getting a little Richard Chamberlain.

BUT NOW MY HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE ISN'T SPEEEEEEEEEECIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

I would use trashy instead of ghetto.

I find the term "ghetto attitude" a little problematic.

The Tippy: For Those Who've Always Wanted a Deflated Hot Water Bottle on Their Head.