As a Stephen King fan, the only question I ever want to ask the man is ‘Why did you decide that the way to defeat evil was a child gang bang? Why?’

I’m listening to the audio book lately, mostly while I’m walking the dog. During the daytime. It’s scary as fuck.

How come women can’t go sleeveless when Paul Ryan is allowed to go spineless?

I am irrationally angry at the whole male romper hoopla. Not because they’re dumb or ugly, but because it’s infuriating to me when people decide to rename things with a special man-label, either to make it manly and therefore ok (murse, manscaping) or to deride men (man bun, male romper) for doing something…

They use the word “fraternity” the way many others use the word “Christian”.

1. April Ryan needs a raise. I don’t know what they are paying her, but it isn’t enough to put up with this BS.

I’d tell you what I’d be moving up from the store brand mustard.

“Timothy Olyphant is so fucking hot in Santa Clarita Diet.”

On his way out of Washington D.C., Brotman stabbed two Secret Service agents sent by Trump to kill him; carved his legacy into the National Archives and made his way to serve his true president.

Blasphemy! Pretty Little Liars 4 lyfe

Just sitting in the sewer, waiting for somebody to rescue us now...

If the tone you were going for in the Kristin Davis section was total asshole, you really nailed it.

“Dr. Carson feels he has no government experience, he’s never run a federal agency. The last thing he would want to do was take a position that could cripple the presidency.”

Hopefully today will be my first full day of work. Yesterday I was sent home, “not as a reprimand, but to calm down and get some perspective.”

Opportunity to post pics of my dog in costume? Yes, please!

“Goss is alleged to have bought that pug a suit around the same time her children were attending the prom.”

The most disappointing thing about this story is that she didn’t even do anything with the money. Girlfriend just straight up stole it for the thrill of stealing. BORING.

Which is probably why the Nobel Prize for Harmonica went to my neighbor Shady Pete. Bob’s lucky the committee threw him that “literature” bone, since he couldn’t win for the category where his heart is.

“His children are incredibly able and devoted, and I think that says a lot about Donald.”