If you're really Jessica Williams, please know that you are one of the funniest people I have ever seen, and I'm super pumped whenever you have a segment on TDS. And if you're not really Jessica Williams, that's fine, maybe go have a macaron or something. I don't know. I'm really tired.

Yes. Good satire often starts out from a position of plausibility, setting the reader/viewer up to accept the position being offered... and then shit gets satirical. That's how it works.

It seemed pretty obvious to me that it was satire. Cover your friend with a blanket, bring extra shoes in case you need to change so you can run for your life, always be ready to jump out of a moving cab? Those aren't serious tips, yo. Those are making fun of the bullshit "don't get yourself raped" tips.

Meh. I shop at ModCloth, too, and the description of the stereotypical ModCloth shopper doesn't bother me... it's not like the article said "the TYPICAL ModCloth shopper", for one thing, and for another thing, the stereotype (which very accurately describes a very specific type of customer, the type that ModCloth is…

This isn't the equivalent of slut-shaming, honey. No one's trying to shame these guys for engaging in sexual activities or wearing revealing clothing. What you're seeing here is idiot-shaming.

I figure it's the same thing as politicians, religious leaders, and other public figures who make their living decrying homosexuality and fighting against equality measures of any kind for gay people (marriage rights, anti-discrimination laws, et cetera) who then eventually get caught getting a handjob in a public…

Yes, and by now I've seen more of your replies... it's pretty clear that you're either uneducated (a basic anthropology course would cover everything you don't seem to grasp about how every human culture and even some animal cultures have death and burial/disposal rituals) or trolling. My money's on trolling. How…

How do you raise your children to have empathy for others when you don't have it yourself? Empathy is at least partially a learned skill, and you can't teach what you don't know, so I really hope they have another parent on hand who actually can teach them emotional literacy.

Serious question — have you ever had anyone close to you die? Anyone you cared about, even a little?

Actually, no. She's bitching about a man taking it upon himself to write a how-to guide for professional ladies who have more experience dressing for their position than he does. It's classing mansplaining. You're so cute, though. Keep being angry on the internet, sweetie!

Actually that sounds like exactly the same rules for men, not "vastly more" rules for men. Nice try, though.

I was spanked as a child and I don't hit. I do, however, flinch wildly if anyone makes sudden moves around me on the off-chance that they might be about to hit me upside the head like my mother so loved doing.

"you can't blame a little girl for acting less-than-perfect on a show that records/airs way past her bedtime."

I have a four year old niece, and like all kids, she went through a hitting phase not long ago. We were out to dinner during the height of her hitting phase, I was seated next to her, and she kept hitting me but I kept doing the thing you're supposed to do, gently restraining kiddo's hand and telling her not to hit,…

It seems pretty clear to me that the mistake is being caused, at least in part, by the way you phrased it. Because you were saying directly to one person, "Being ignorant doesn't mean you're racist, but it does mean you're ignorant", it came off like you were telling that person that you think they're ignorant. …

I've tried that, but unfortunately the same obnoxious people who refuse to listen to voicemails are also the same obnoxious people who will lodge complaints with my manager if they call me and don't get a speedy response. Yup, even if they're calling to have me repeat the exact same info that's on a voicemail message…

I find this deeply obnoxious, especially when I get a callback from someone in a business context and they're all like, "Oh, I couldn't be bothered to listen to your voicemail, please take more time out of your day to repeat exactly what you said there because my time is more valuable." Nine times out of ten, when I…

I can't speak to Tinder or any of the dating apps, but in regards to the actual websites (OKCupid, Match, Plentyoffish, etc.), a far as I know, there is no way to block any messages from getting to you if they come from members that are outside your preferred age range. Same goes for your profile: just because…

It's a really common disordered eating tactic, and I feel empathy for anyone who feels compelled to eat that way, but that doesn't make it any less horrifyingly gross to have to clean up after in a restaurant. HORF CITY. Ugh.

Jenny Slate, we should party, because I too am an inveterate sleep eater. One time I woke up eating a steak that I had broiled. In my sleep. I broiled a goddamn steak in my sleep. But I also got to talk to Ira Glass about sleep-eating a steak when he was in town doing a talk about radio and simultaneously…