Regulating scheduling practices is a recognition that workers are human beings and deserve not to live their lives constantly at the mercy of the changing scheduling whims of their low wage employers.

Translation: don’t have any things

That shit will inexplicably still be tape delayed by NBC.

He deals with the goddamn press so the owners don’t have to!

It wouldn’t even matter if helmets made contact, because there is no rule about helmet-to-helmet contact on runners, and a QB outside the pocket running with the ball is a runner.

the hit was not ruled to be an illegal one

I love how LeBron dives onto the court to get his errant water bottle. Even the greatest basketball player in the world has that “Oh shit! I’m gonna get in trouble for doing something stupid” moment of panic flash through his brain.

I read a post that said he looks like the PBS logo, and now I can’t unsee it.

Paterno probably could have avoided the injury had he not been too busy looking the other way.

90% of the people that read deadspin just want to make funny jokes in the comments.

Creating tool that can potentially unlock any iPhone, turning over info you’re required to by law. Not the same unless you’re stupid.

You ever have ketchup at a restaurant?

I’ve got to think that butter is in the top 3. I mean there are lots of people out there who don’t drink beer or soda (not ones that I spend much time with) but everyone eats butter. And yes, I know that butter is better outside of the fridge, but here in ‘Murica, we don’t really do that so much.

Except a ton of people don’t refrigerate ketchup

Whoa whoa whoa, I’m all for jingoism, but that’s a Fox Sports+Skip Bayless level lede right there. There’s ten other dudes on the pitch, yeah? Presumably paid a lot of money? Just as vested as Messi in whether the team wins or loses?