The interesting thing with Miracles is they seem to get rarer with time.
Almost as if the bar to prove them keeps going up.

Marco Rubio: thirsty, disingenuous doof. His campaign was over before it even began. The best - and I mean the very best that he can hope for is to be put on Jeb’s ticket as VP. And then they’ll both lose AND Marco Rubio will have also lost his seat in Senate (he’s up for re-election in 2016, but isn’t allowed to be…

If I had to guess, more people are going to start wondering why Jia is working here than talking about their SAT scores.

#teamham.

I want to clarify my “it depends if I’m hungover,” with the fact that hungover me definitely is going for the regs BEC.

I LOVE DUNKIN DONUTS. People talk so much shit but it hits the spot so hard and its cheap. I went to my old DD so often that the employees got invested in my love life.

WHY WOULD ANYONE HATE ON STEELY DAN!? .............enraged.

I feel like Farrah was really excited about going to an awards show, and wanted to dress like she was going to the Oscars rather than the MTV Movie Awards. But she ended up looking like she was in the Miss Pensacola pageant instead.

I WAS A TEEN

I don’t understand the fun of ocean swimming. Who could enjoy swimming above a giant abyss filled with monsters. I don’t even like lake swimming because of the chance of a salmon touching my leg

See? Men are just TOO emotional to be president. What if he gets into a spiteful bad mood and launches nukes or something? Men have such delicate feelings and just can’t control them, the poor dears.

Clearly officers would be safer if they didn't have a weapon for the public to lunge at.

Only a deranged asshole would order bacon extra limp, then offer said gelatinous fatty tissue to a terrified waitress as a peace offering. Crispy or nothing, limp dick psycho Santa.

Of course you can. That’s why they have restrooms, MoF.

Just this one, I think:

I don't Giuliana Rancic looks disgusting, I think she is very beautiful. But once I read one of her daily food recaps and I was like, "holy shit how does a human body survive on this?" I can't find the article anymore, it's definitely been deleted from her website. I also know she does a lot of "cleanses." I'm not…

Caftan Liz Taylor is my favorite and also my spirit animal (p.s. This picture is also my avatar because I love it so much).

Yeah, but you'd love him without Netflix, too. And it's a lot easier to get Amazon Prime than it is to replace fucking.