No? Really?

"Honey, this is going to make a kick-ass replacement for our xD. I'm totally stoked."

Because "EcoBoost" hasn't been overused nearly enough yet. Hellcat is the new bar for names, the engine in whatever this is better have a good one.

Or you can work for Uber.

In other news, Chevrolet Impala recreates the time I got stuck in a puddle in my beater Dodge Omni with donuts on the front.

And surely nothing will ever go wrong with it!

I'm still waiting for a Ghia III.

So, wait, how much of that has the CarMax warranty covered?

Actually, the doors open conventionally, too, so you could maybe pull it off.

Treasure chest.

Travis, do you need some smelling salts? Maybe a defibrillator?

Love the way you put that.

I approve of this message.

I can still live without the Dame Edna light clusters, but never had a problem with the overall look of this car.

"Okay, we need you to jump from the hood of a moving car into the open back of the bus. Money is no object — do you want any special equipment? A helmet? Some gloves?"

So, if I die in one of these I can blame it on Obama?

This Bugatti Veyron

This vs. a Shelby GLHS would be an epic matchup.

You are to true Americans.

Still waiting for the hilarious part. Are all of the exclamation points supposed to direct us to it?