As a Falcons fan I cannot wait to have my ex wife read it aloud to me as the soundtrack of my suicide.

You’ve got 2 new cool stadiums. Well you and Cobb County. One of them looks like an anus. That’s...notable.

The super bowl was 211 days ago. I wouldn’t say I’m still angry about it, but there are some days where I wake up, lay in bed staring at the ceiling and think, “I cannot believe the Falcons lost that fuckin’ game!” I spent a good while writing an email to Drew for the article, then deleted it without hitting send. It…

I hope Matt Ryan is forced to do a commercial where he talks about what a goddamn loser he is every offseason until he dies from severe rectal trauma. I hope they find a way to go 0-17. I will never forgive them for giving that game away. I AM FIRED THE FUCK UP FOR THIS.

It’s going to be a very delicious roasting.

I am a gray on Deadspin, but not on some of the associated sites. While I know commenting to be as valuable as shouting into the void, there’s always the slight hope of some acknowledgement I’m not the only one shouting.

Next up: Atlanta Falcons.

Hotels charge hundreds of dollars a night for a room and we’re supposed to supplement their staff’s wages on top of that? Actually, they’re incentivizing us to not even use the service by offering points for not using housekeeping services at all. Which I find additionally mean to their employees (hey you get to work…

It is extremely important that fans of the Metroid franchise support this and Prime 4 if we want to see a new Metroid game ever again. It’s a very similar situation to Sonic Mania and the N Sane Trilogy.

Anyway, I guess we won’t be able to save 3DS screenshots via Miiverse anymore, right? It was the only feature I really cared about.

Oh wow. That’s a great reference. God damn.

It was for eating all his vegetables. What a good boy!

A Marge Shott shot. I did not see that coming.

When it comes to Olivia Munn, I’d play tit-for-ANYTHING.

I lived in DFW for 4 years and I have never felt so out of my place in my entire life. People are nice to you until they find out that you weren’t born in Texas, which automatically puts them above you. Their state pride is on the same level as white supremacists.