Tell him it’s a mild Mexican chili powder, he’ll never know the difference.

I know some good divorce attorneys.

Paprika may be the greatest, most underrated spice ever discovered. It instantly improves any rice, soup or stew dish it’s added to.

“Nobody should be body-shamed!”

Maybe listen to, or look at a transcript of what was actually said before treating us to your performative feminism?

That was terrific, thanks for the link! It’s impossible for me not to imagine this as the soundtrack to a silent movie of the trains crashing.

OFFS. At least when Kathy Griffin lost a bunch of gigs for holding up a replica of Trump’s bloody head I could see how that could at least be interpreted as crossing a line. If a comedian isn’t allowed to make fun of the idiots in charge what’s left of our American freedom, really?

Oh get right the fuck out of here with that.

More like: Been fucking around and want everyone to know in the worst possible way? Call Cohen: We’ll get your secret mistress on 60 Minutes!

When the A.V. Club woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, it found itself changed into a monstrous Kinja.

So if we can take a lesson from a long-extinct species: If you sniff or smell something and it doesn’t initially appear to agree with you—leave it the hell alone.

THE AV CLUB NEEDS DISQUS

It doesn’t take more than a few words from these kids to make a grown-ass man like myself, turn into a blubbering puddle of tears. I feel so much pride, and so much anger, at the same time, that it’s hard to put into words.

Maybe the bars that decapitated the kid were doing their job, maybe they weren’t. Should it really be up to the media, with its anti-decapitation bias, to decide?

the catch is theyre uploading you to Kinja

A new startup wants to upload your brain to a server, but with one very small catch: They don’t know how.

So the graves of Holst and Stravinsky can finally rest easy now?

Yeah, seriously. Most of the popes of the 10th and 11th centuries were not much better behaved than John XII (Benedict IX was certainly on par); but the lack of real power usually limited their lasting effects on history. For this guy to have kickstarted an 800-year political entity out of his own sense of…

Samson - Kills a thousand Philistines with the jawbone of an ass

I hope a bucket of paint falls off a ladder and lands upside-down on your head and gets stuck there and you stumble around with a paint-bucket on your head and crash into a ladder and fall down a manhole.