He will HARPOON you, man.

"These are OBVIOUSLY pliers, because the ignition key is OBVIOUSLY
broken off in the ignition itself, OBVIOUSLY due to a fit I had
regarding a personal matter."

You look like a foppish cross between Gary Cooper and Robert Palmer.

Our two party system is a choice between stale fruitcake and a (racist, wilfully ignorant) turd sandwich. The people who choose the turd sandwich can't defend their choice as just not liking fruitcake.