Typos have been addressed. Maybe next time consider being kinder. 

Haven’t used this in awhile but it still works:

Farfalle for life, bitches!

“Isnt she the druggie from one of those MTV 1990s reality shows?”
We’re going to have to ask you to narrow down that search a little.

This is the opener of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a dollar store opener; an elegant can opener for a more civilized age.

Sharks don’t have swim bladders like bony fish do. The spaces where there’s air in bony fishes (that can expand during rapid ascension) are filled with dense oil in sharks. They’re much less susceptible to pressure changes.

about damned time he pulls out of something...

Is he trying to compete with Nick Cannon? 

Maybe it can calculate our way out of the complete political mess we’ve made, where one side is sending the entire country down the tubes just for guns and tax breaks for the rich.

You mean ships keep crashing into shark whales seeing as ocean is their home

Years ago, I asked Mrs Lizardo to pick up a pound of large shrimp at the store. She looked at the ones under that sign and said “those don’t look large.” She did come home with a pound of shrimp. There were 5 of them.

Imagine picking a fight with Mike Tyson - and not being taken away in ambulance. Insane and lucky. 

Amazon management said Chris Smalls was “not smart and inarticulate” so what does that make senator Graham being put in his place by him?

Want to thaw them anyway? Put them in a bowl (not a colander) in the sink under cold, slowly running water. They will thaw in about 5 minutes, less time than it takes to heat the broiler.

How many Trumplethinskins does it take to change a light bulb?

President Trump is going to be PISSED. 

I’m generally a fan of Bernie Sanders, but this has got to be one of the most “WTF” takes he’s ever made.

Most of the ABA Standing Committee on the Federal Judiciary regarded this judge as unqualified, but in the DJT era, it doesn’t matter if political appointees are qualified. Heck, being unqualified probably makes them even better at their job of destroying the US.

It’s not “Florida Judge”. It’s “Trump Judge”.

He put a bunch of young crazy and unqualified people into lifetime appointments. We’re going to be dealing with these insane and partisan idiots for the next 4-5 decades.