the cliffhanger from last season involved the accidental sterilization of every surviving person on Earth

That ah Morrisey! He's ah so crazy! What yah gonna do? (canned laughter)

It was in all the papers!

SECRET SERVICE: Did you really cut off the President's head?
KATHY GRIFFIN: No.
SECRET SERVICE:Are you sure?
KATHY GRIFFIN: Yes.
SECRET SERVICE: Let's go over this again…

The Confederacy wasn't "brutally conquered," they surrendered.

Al Bundy knocked himself out with fireworks and missed Hondo again!

A half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli!

No, U?

Sad!

I just looked and…wow, cancelled after three episodes. That was bad.

Bad Teacher? Does that one count here?

OH YEAH!

I got mail from Kobach's office for almost a year asking for a copy of my birth certificate to complete a "voter registration"(which I hadn't filed.) I ignored them, but I wonder…will they come for me? WILL THEY?

When they read honest-to-god lines like “You seriously don’t get it, do
you?” and “You’re like a different person lately!” did they not throw
the script across the proverbial room and fire off testy phone calls to
their respective agents?

You know what that movie needed? A guy who pretends to be a flamboyant pimp named Doctor Detroit and engages in a custody battle over prostitutes with an old lady gangster.

"THAT BIRD IS A LIAR!"

You leave Blair and Tootie alone!

The tall one wants white toast, dry, with nothing on it!

I think he once hit Dustin Rhodes with a frozen turkey after proclaiming "This is your daddy's bastard child!"

Don't call her BABE!