I have always believed that in some attic there is a portrait of Jeremy Lin doing progressively more difficult math.

I am a huge fan of and coach of throwing events. Unfortunately it seems like everyone is dirty. Joe Kovacs, world champion in shot put and owner of a recent warmup throw well bast the world record, is from my area and every conversation ends with one or both people saying “please I hope he’s clean.” It's a shame we…

Helen Keller once had to watch the Browns in Braille. She chopped her hands off.

When admitted to the facility on Friday, Gaddis immediately shat on the floor and started screaming, “I’m playing with the Browns!” Farmer signed the shit to the practice squad before the Jaguars could contact it. Gaddis will start at QB in Sunday’s game.

That's no way to talk about the women's World Cup.

He's just excited that he has a podiatrist appointment this morning.

The wait must be terrible at midtown Taco Bells.

I have orange-brown color blindness. On most Sundays, I can't tell the difference between the Browns and a steaming pile of crap.

All of the Browns tried to print “proud” and “brave” on their shoes. The shoes killed themselves.

We ain't here to play designated driver.

Acoustic of “Cuts Like a Knife” with Slash?

Blade Runner had the wrong counsel - “I swear, she fell on the bullets.”

You're with me 4XL.

Hockey helicopter is tough, nothing stops him. Meanwhile, soccer helicopter is in the Prudential lot, writhing in his back, holding his left skid.

There hasn't been that much cocaine on a Columbian bus since...earlier that day.

It would be very interesting to differentiate between a header on a punted ball versus a crossed ball (in play or on a corner) and a header in the normal course of play. A U13 goalkeeper can punt a ball quite far and the impact is very different that a flick on a cross.

At least their shitty haircuts won't get messed up.