Good call.

OK, fine. It’s my neighbor Gary.

Not really friends. More like acquaintances. I don’t even really know them. 

Also, several friends told me that Pornhub is down.

He has such high regards for the sanctity of marriage that he did it three times! That’s three times more regard than someone who is only married once! Did I get this right, Kellyanne?

It’s not like that’ll be difficult to do with Trump in charge; a Putin apparatchik should be able to do that in 160 characters or less or, if they’re feeling creative, a captioned image.

“If [Trump] hated women so much, how could he be married three times?”

Jesus Fucking Christ, I’m surprised you made it out of there alive!

Trump is also a bidoof.

Probably true. Figured with my luck I’d end up just outside the blast radius and be forced to defend myself against a bunch of hungry assholes looking to steal my shit.

Day 1: Bob punches you in the face.

I’ve got your first botnet hunter volunteer right here:

“That’s because I’m smart.”

Old Soviet Joke:

So you’re saying Russia never does this stuff?

Didn’t have plans for this weekend yet. Guess now’s a good time to start gathering supplies and throwing them in a bug out bag and prepping a bunker. Thanks, TrumPutin

I don’t know...

That’s the spirit!

If you die in the game, you die in real life.

I’m not gonna worry about it. I think Gary Johnson was really onto something, when he said “In billions of years, the sun is going to actually grow and encompass the Earth, right? So global warming is in our future.”

Why worry about anything, let’s just become nihilists libertarians. Shit’s gonna get real someday…