BREAKING: Prince Harry makes a statement to the media.

“What do you mean ‘interception’?  Someone caught that ball, it’s a completed pass!”

Halloweeon

CALM DOWN, BOTTLE_OF_RICHARD_CREAM!  JUST CALM DOWN!

“Sure, Game of Thrones is fine, but have you seen fire? I bet Game of Thrones can’t even cook mammoth meat.”

It will actually end exactly like that scene in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey, with several of the Avengers “defeating” Thanos in a series of board games (by secretly cheating) and then he agrees to undo the snap.

Not sure if this is a joke about Nintendo’s hardware being 20 years behind, or a joke about Square-Enix’s development cycle taking 20 years to release a port.

“We regret to inform our customers that ordering a pizza in our online app will now only reward you with 2 points per item.  It used to be three points per item, but after signing our new Brand Ambassador, the system just can’t award 3 points anymore.”

I hear they are painted from head to toe in gold body paint and only allowed to wear gold loin cloths.

translucent people at this Texas Rangers game can apparently walk right through each other

Hey give him credit, if he had shown up, it would have been a terrible funeral.

Does this mean that Congress could decide that his body dumped on a trash barge in lieu of a state funeral?

It doesn’t have the same pizzazz

Historically, the best solution to people like this is the guillotine.

I don’t think they have those in Texas, but I was raised here so I do occasionally sin against THE LORD and put ranch on pizza.  Not drenching it, but a little bit.

You get ice cream, he only gets pizza.

*taking notes*

Alternately, continue to take him only there until he understands the error of his ways. And then take him there 5 more times.

You think he’s fancy enough to hobo in a boxcar? No, no. Hamilton’s hanging on under the train.

I assumed based on the “Pizza Ranch” name that you were supposed to cover up the flavor of their ‘pizza’ with a flood of ranch dressing.