Get it over here before Trump gets back from meeting with his boss.  We’ll install it in the White House and make the balloon president.

Which of the genocides we committed would you like to start with?

Shot in the back?  Classic self-defense.  Nothing to see here.

Pictured: Macron and Cheese

There! Is that better?

August 28, 2032: Dear Diary, we finally reached the peak of Mt. Everest. Finally, after so many years of searching we found it: Michelle Obama’s Hidden Treasure! They all said I was crazy for poring over all of her public speaking events for clues, but who’s laughing now?

There’s a 100% chance Ivanka never read the report and only put her name on it

Here, I wrote a headline you can use multiple times every day:

When asked what the difference was between this and indentured servitude, Donald Trump had this to say:  “No, these are my real teeth”

I’d like to star this, but ...

No, you have to build up to that:

Thanks, now I’m going to have this memorized the rest of my life.

Saying “fuck” = not fine.

BUY ME BONESTORM OR GO TO HELL!

Same

So.. it’s like a Career Mode for henchmen? That actually sounds really cool.

• Plano, TX

That’s...uh... a large span compared to the rest. Is my Dark Red region 5% unvaccinated or 30%?

He took out the hearts and rainbows...

I was having trouble deciding whether Cohen or Manafort were the guy who hit the propeller and bounced off.