Full sincerity here; we’ll miss you and your writing here. I’m continually sad to see so many brilliant writers leaving this place, but I understand. It’s tough watching this place get slowly defanged and made increasingly mainstream and Voxian, but damn if you all aren’t magnificent at what you do.

The fatality comes with the 7:00am text the next day: “Sweetie, do they still call it the walk of shame?”

This is the correct answer:

Do you also think the Earth is flat, that vaccines cause autism, and climate change isn’t real?

I didn’t know JB was a Would U. Must have missed that one. I just want to go on the record with a FUCK YEAH I WOULD.

Woah this may be the most utterly humorless response I have ever seen  

You’re right. Kissinger’s ability to diss someone who is unfortunately relevant in a way we find momentarily entertaining as we all prepare for various dystopian fictions to manifest into our current reality also translates to complete forgiveness and unanimous approval for Henry Kissinger.

Or are we just saying ‘even…

While Kissinger may be a complete shitstain on humanity, the dude’s been in diplomacy for a long time. He can’t help but have learned a little something about plausible deniability, and that what’s not said often is much, much more important than what is.

I said STEP for a reason.

When the word “inoffensive” is used to describe music, it’s not a compliment. I doubt whether even Sheeran’s devoted hatedom would compare his work to supermarket Muzak.

You sound stupid.

Maybe your pun was stupid? Maybe most puns are stupid.

At minimum he needs to man bun it for whatever the duration is.

I don’t have the time to confirm it just now, but I am 100% certain that the lyric “Mister Clean is a muscle queen” fits perfectly into a wide variety of hilarious tunes.

🎶 housewives intro music plays 🎶

Also- I posted this because it’s funny and my relationship is fun and sometimes we say “hey.” I have nothing to apologize for and I hope you all have a great day and night gawker is on fleek tonight. Not responding to insults although I am EASILY GOADED.

yah, i made it up

a perfect example of why straight white men should probably shy away from using the word unless they’ve been trained by a professional.

Coulda kept that one, buddy.