I don't know why but my favorite part is "And now it's a whole thing with Jean..."

You'd be confused too if you had to figure out the best method to stopping a volcanic eruption.

Really? 'Cause I read your comment and immediately thought that was optimism.

I can see it now. He throws a Yosemite Sam-like tantrum and she sits there looking vapidly at her iPhone, then says something like "You are like sooo dramatic, I just can't stand how boring and predictable you are. I'm like, soooo done." And walks away, posting yet another selfie of herself for her "dolls."

I'm pretty sure that's code for "Charlie really had no idea how rabid, pathetic and balls to the wall crazy 50 Shades fans actually are, that is, until an unidentified midwestern housewife accosted him in a Los Angeles drugstore, handcuffed herself to his ankle and begged him to spank her with a horse whip. Charlie…

And better?

What no one's favorite is Pennsatucky?

Miley seriously needs a twerk intervention... someone needs to lovingly, caringly explain to her that she has White Girl Butt. There's nothing wrong with white girl butt, mind you... White Girl Butt is a fine and wonderful thing... and Miley's is just cute as a button. But Miley, darlin'... you have nothing to…

I never, ever thought I'd feel sorry for a group of multi-platinum artists who own their own islands and stuff; but DAMN, the second-hand embarassment I feel from just watching that performance must only reflect 1% of what they felt sitting there having to watch it in person. Just... Wow. Those poor people. Never…

Me witnessing that atrocity: