Skittles, Starbursts, Rolos, Snickers, Mars bars, Twizzlers, Almond Joys, Kit Kats and oh, how he loved Reese’s Pieces.

Correct opinion. And I don’t need the birthday recap post from people either.

I refuse to wish anyone happy birthday on facebook. If they’re an important enough friend they get a call or a text. If they’re not do they really care that I wish them happy birthday on social media?

- Bill Belichick, on New York Jets defensive schemes

Trump is the gift that never stops giving.

“We’re gonna go out there in the first OT and really give it to those guys!”

“You better have dates and times of the juicing.”

“How many students said I exposed myself?” said Sharkey.

“Did you see the rest of his team?”

I literally have no idea who the “star” is in this gif.

3.2. Three teams plus the Jets.

Both of those outs were made by baserunning mistakes, and the next batter hit a home run. It cost them at least two runs

muy grave el recto

Oh, go fuck off with this stupid, tired take.

All of this allegedly puts a former Mexican tabloid executive in the locker rooms of the last three Super Bowls, surreptitiously nabbing incredibly valuable sports memorabilia right from under the noses of at least dozens of people, only to get caught a couple years later. This is the greatest story.

White Nationalism. (Basic Bitch edition.)

You know he was an absentee father because he though “wake them up” was a thing that works on 18 year old boys.

Surprise twist: it was 30-year-old Ivanka all along. Probably.

I’m surprised he even remembered he had a non Ivanka daughter.

The only thing surprising about this story is that he did anything at all for the non-Ivanka daughter.