While I’ve thoroughly enjoyed all these Senior Week posts, now that this week is coming to an end and I’m on my 3rd glass of rosé - after 2 mambos - I’m really beginning to panic. What am I gonna do without Jezebel?????????? I know, I know. I’m being a selfish asshole because your jobs are on the line and all. But…

He’s weird looking.

He looks like a girl. I think young girls liked him back in the day because he was soft and innocuous. Either that, or you’re all latent lesbians.

He looks like a weather-beaten, middle-aged toddler.

You despise ska, coyness, AND code-speak? What, sir, do you not despise?

In this context, that dude wants to bone your girl and have your bone his wife. No other meaning. Follow on clarification bullet points to include, hotwifing, cucking, soft swap, full swap, couples play, bi-curious, bi-friendly, for the girls, gaywatch etc.

Which then makes you sound even more exclusive, which then brings more people to you asking if you "party". You then try to scare them off with promises of sheetcake and bounce houses, but they just think you are so hip and ahead of them, they want you even more. Eventually you end up running an empire of night clubs…

ugh, you are insufferable

A lot of times it means both. I’ve been asked that in Oak Lawn neighborhood of Dallas back in 2004 and the guy meant meth and jacuzzi action with other men. I realized then that ‘do you party’ is very ambiguous.

It’s because you’re looking up definitions instead of reading the fucking situation in which a likely swarthy fellow wearing mostly white (possibly eggshell) who has been checking out your better half is asking to go somewhere and get nude.
Stop looking things up you prude nerd.

There’s no way he’s having fun. His lips are surgically attached the backside of (among others) GOOP. You know that has to be a chore. A person can only feign so much interest in tomato allergies, vaginal rice steaming and green cleanses.

It would totally make sense if he were selling powder, but I’ve met him several times in intimate gatherings and he is much more the type to do all of your coke then be supplying others.

I like your “half glass empty” approach there, James. Bet you frown and roll your eyes more than you smile as well.

“If I or any other judge sees you on a probation violation, I have almost no doubt you are going to prison...So if you think in any way you are getting off lightly, you are not.”

Well, I also like Taylor and totally ship the two of them, so that tweet did affect me in the way it appears to have affected you. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s amazing how consistently the entire justice system has vastly more compassion and empathy for the perpetrator than the victim when the crime is rape. It’s just so UNFAIR to ruin a nice boy’s life over a little crime like that.

Uh, being a celebrity or celebrity-wannabe or celebrity-adjacent-wannabe looks like hard work, like small talk during a hurricane.

YOU GUYS! Barely doing your work is making me really sad. There will be such a void in my life if you go away. I’ve been barely doing my work for weeks, though, and I don’t even have a good excuse. Maybe this is a sign. I should get back to work.

Oh god did they talk about their start-ups afterwards?? While juicing?