Lord spare me Seth McFarland in general.

I know this feel! My boss is 32 and I'm 37, so not quite as rough but our newest hire was born in 1995. She just graduated college and thinks she knows it ALL and I'm just like o_O

Yes! I Iike to raise one eyebrow and ever so slightly curl my lip while maintaining silent direct eye contact for four seconds. Works every time.

The worst is the Courtesy Bite- when someone eats all of the ice cream, but leaves you a bite. You look in the freezer, pick up the carton...and your heart sinks when you realize that you have been left with the courtesy bite.

I had Red Lobster leftovers in my boyfriend’s fridge once, and his friend came over and ate it when we were out. Who the fuck goes to someone's house and eats their leftovers?! They said I was overreacting but I made that fucker pay me back.

I vaguely remember a restaurant from my childhood that briefly had “ladies’ portions”. It lasted about 6 weeks and was switched to 1/2 and full portions. The fuck outta here.

I’m perfectly happy to share my food but can’t stand people reaching and taking things off my plate. Ask and I will serve you some. I can feel my blood starting to boil just thinking about this.

I like both! My taste totally runs towards like, the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey

I love that he thinks SHE’S the asshole in the situation. And the “fat ass” is just the cherry on top.

The thing is, he wanted chicken, she bought him chicken, she asked if he wanted pizza, he said no, he nibbled hers, pretended he didn’t want any, and then ate the original fucking thing anyway when she bought herself a whole other slice. This fucking guy is too much work, he’s a goddamned liar, and he can fuck off…

Both look like cheap knock-offs of fin de siecle or Gründerzeit townhouse villas around the year 1900.

Like this?

CHEESY STORY TIME: Jia, you were one of the biggest influences on my decision to move toward going back to university. I read “When Everything Is Bullying, Nothing Is Bullying”, and I thought to myself, “I disagree with some of her stances, but damn. Girl can write. I want to write like her.” I had spent a long time…

FUCK. Don’t go. Or do go and write frequently where we can read it. Also, you’re kind of the fucking greatest. So. Don’t go.

Because I’m hateful, I’m already waiting for the divorce.

Also, really wtf is going on with Joe Rogan?? He looks...wrong.

Because I write for Jezebel and don’t know what sports are.

Back alley sirloin steak implants, like, all over?

I accidentally watched part of this show last week. I’m sorry you had to sit through an entire episode Bobby.