I think there’s a loophole:

I fucked up two cars without being in either one of them!

You’re right, even in Glee, Mercedes did a whole routine to “Bust Your Windows” after she threw a brick through a windshield

From ESPN:

Not going to happen, California has a 10 year statue of limitations.

He stated it in depositions during the civil case of the victim, which can be used against him in this case

Unless he did something after 2005/2006, he won’t be charged in most, if not all states.

And Samuel Jackson gave permission for his likeness to be included in exchange for first rights to being in ANY movie that Nick Fury is in.

Not to my knowledge, that would be a great thing to see.

You can also get admitted to the pediatric ward as well if you are small in stature. I had a 28 year old co-worker admitted to the hospital, and when I went to visit found out she was in the pediatric unit. They said usually it’s due to the size of the equipment they need to use.

The best part is he is showing the world just how big his manhood, heart, and compassion combined really is.

No, they were too busy celebrating their win over the 49ers this weekend. Since Monday they couldn’t be reached as they had to search for which bar Johnny Manziel was getting drunk in.

My ex mother-in-law worked as a librarian when the HP books came out. She had them on the shelves and when a parent complained, she stated that she would not remove any book from the shelves that children wanted to read. School district backed her up for that reason.

Safeway has stand alone pin pad terminals on their self check out machines. If they aren’t monitored (between the hours of 11PM to 6AM dependent on store) then they become easily replaced/hacked. Of course they don’t accept chip/pin yet so I think Safeway is going to be on the hook for this one.

For another additional fee, they will arrange a Russian plane to fly in formation so that you can “keep up international relations” like Maverick and Goose

In the first four paragraphs of the introduction, his lawyer uses the phrase “USC kicked him to the curb”.

I thought she was feeling the effects of one night with Latrell Spencer (go watch White Chicks)

No, they started the trend in the 90’s with the “Hack-a-Shaq” defense.

As a former radio announcer, I can tell you that we were specifically not to say a word about injuries. There would be a player being put on a stretcher, but no one listening would know because we would be on extended commercial break until play resumed.

Looks like a plane had sex with Yoshi from Super Mario Brothers.