It feels great when my own jokes are explained to me. It’s awesome, actually.

I’m not greedy. How about a small percentage of your contract? Or, we can pay by the hour. A few hundred an hour seems reasonable. Think of me like a lawyer, but more qualified and more important. You only need a lawyer when you do something wrong, but my services are helpful when you do something right as well.…

My favorite quote from that scene. strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

I like how he kept his cool enough to remember that he did say he would advise you of the situation before he took action. It’s considerate.

A couple of years ago me and my brother were at the AFC Championship game in Foxboro. There were these drunk assholes(unbelievable, I know) standing in front of us for the whole game. The guys in the row behind us, one of which looked like what would happen if Sasquatch got fucked by a Viking, was getting more and…

BOOO!

My local Trader Joe’s is located in the downtown of a snobby wealthy suburb. Watching A-type housewives whose husbands are out conquering the world of finance trying to park their Escalades out front is always good for a few laughs.

There is actually some interesting stuff at Ikea and it is usually at a fair price. Plus, they have food. (Watch out for the meatballs, though.) Just don’t go there more than once a year or two and it won’t seem so bad.

I never understood Klinsmann’s firing. Dude won the WC as a player. He then not only successfully coached the national team of the world’s greatest or second greatest soccer powerhouse, but set up the system and laid the foundations that made said powerhouse the current FIFA WC champs.

I will honestly miss this shit.

I read that as either going for a few beers and/or puffs of weed with an old hometown pal, or banging a hometown ex.

How the fuck that goes over someone’s head that reads Magary is beyond me.

JD Salinger - Catcher in the Rye

This would obviously be the outcome.

Whoa whoa. You’re telling me that white people in charge of young black men and also profit massively from these black men’s talents would change the rules and not say anything? And then use the revised rule as a way of punishing said black men for going against the wishes of their white employers? In America?

This is now the second time in a month that ESPN has fallen on its face while trying to discipline one of its biggest personalities for daring to talk politics on Twitter.

When I was a kid, I used to wonder, “What does ESPN stand for?”

Usually when someone from the Dolphins line fucks up this egregiously they at least do it more incognito.

So interesting personal tidbit. I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when I was young, and this is exactly how I walked (and still walk). The doctors told my parents that the tendon from my heels to my calves were short and stiff, and I underwent multiple surgeries to “correct” this by having that tendon essentially…