You remember that Sunday morning, two months after dad left, you wake up and notice mom’s hair is seriously mussed, and then you walk into the kitchen and dad is making eggs like the past eight weeks never happened . . .

You serious, Clark? This is Call of Duty, not ArmA.

Timely competence should be reasonably achievable. 

he left his locker to avoid giving an answer.

This was amazing, thank you Chris! You knew this era was really in full swing when the shareware games themselves started getting clones - there were probably dozens of Commander Keen knockoffs on the BBS systems I dialed in to.

Instead of replying to everyone pointing it out, I’ll just reply to myself here: I am the world’s biggest idiot. Carry on.

I’m more impressed that Kingsbury did all that at USC after getting hired after the season was over.

You are correct. That was unnecessarily annoying.

I mean hes at Duke so you know hes REALLY white.  The kind of white you just can’t teach 

4 minutes of rocking back and forth to gain the momentum to stand up out of bed.

Don’t worry: ol’ Squamsy’s a well known horrible stupid shitbag.

He was a game show host at the time. Jesus you expect her to have foresight into him one day becoming president. It was a minute long Emmy skit and she’s famous for a TV show primarily. It’s PR and part of her job. Also you’re an idiot.

She's an actress doing a bit with an obnoxious reality tv star for an awards show. This was before the birther shit. Do you ever not cone up with the most spiteful, off-base take? Is this a gimmick account where the gimmick is 'sucking'?

Man, I hope you’re being sarcastic because this is quite possibly the stupidest take on the stupidest of subjects in the stupidest year of stupidest things.

I mean... appearing in an Emmy sketch is hardly “swimming in his slime”

My vote is gas station chicken salad 

Even better: Put it in the restroom!

So last night while drinking too much and checking in on Drew for probably the 25th time that day, I decided to sketch a loving tribute. I use the term “sketch” loosely because I basically just ripped off (and for a good chunk of it I downright traced) the Death of Superman comic book cover. I don’t really understand…

Nothing says “early 90s” better than “Two Princes”.