Why would you do that to yourself?

I think the worst movie I've seen all year was Nocturnal Animals. What a complete waste.

I feel obliged to watch it because everybody's over the moon for it and it's gonna win a bunch of Oscars. It's, sigh, An Important Film. But I don't expect to like it. This was, I get it out of the way with upfront, and I don't waste money on the ticket!

I actually really liked that! (And yes, she rules in it, although it's just a supporting part.) I saw the normal version, of course, since no one was screening the fancy one near me.

Just go watch the Jenny Lewis video again. (Or just read The Toast article about it, even.)

Same. I get a little frisson every time I hear she's in a new project.

Only in my dreams.

No. but in my heart, yes.

Because…bleh. I'm too depressed to make a joke. Because the world is ashes and baby boomers are still sad about bad things that happened several decades ago.

Aw, it's still a wonderful movie.

Every time I hear Natalie Portman lisping "There isn't going to be another Camelot. Not another Camelot" in that stupid fucking JACKIE promo, I want to kill myself.

He was a huge sexist pig and couldn't walk through the apartment at 7am without stomping and waking me up, too!

Same roommate once told me I should have my cat put down because he was too noisy.

That's a pretty good story.

British money pre-decimalisation made absolutely no fucking sense.

That made me laugh out loud in the office. Good thing no one's here right now.

I'm normally a life-and-let-live kinda gal, but one of my most obnoxious roommates used to leave whole sets of dishes—plate, glass, bowl, silverware—smeared with the pungent remnants of Marmite and canned tuna in the sink for weeks on end. He'd pile them up, too—not like plate-on-plate, bowl-on-bowl, but…

Butter I'm upset!

I am by no means a vegetarian, but I admit, I'd feel pretty cranky if I was one and I was basically being forced to use animal products because the government used it to manufacture my legal currency. I mean, how do you opt out of cash? It's not practical.

Try the veal! And don't forget to tip your waitress!