Judges gonna judge.

When did we stop expecting children to use forks?

Everything about that Pasta Zoo menu item is crazy.

If I make the gesture of taking my daughter to McDonald’s, it’s because I am giving her free reign to “knock yourself out, kid.” It’s like being allowed to make yourself sick on candy when you come home on tick-or-treat night. Besides, the acidulated apple slices are fairly gross, and the yogurt has as much sugar as…

I guess it’s like...my pasta strainer brings me joy because it enables me putting chipotle vodka cream penne in my mouth?

Whenever I get rid of something that doesn’t bring me joy, I end up needing it sometime in the next 6 months. EXPLAIN THAT MARIE.

Milquetoast indeed. So many Democratic politicians still think this is the 90's.

It’s about fucking time. He can take Hillary with him to the wilderness.

that’s some recommendation.

Where’s Bobby?

“ ... trust them to make their own goddamn decisions about their money.”

This is so fucking stupid. Why do Republicans get such a giant boner over cutting programs that help poor people, women, and children? Our government trying to save money by cutting funding for programs like SNAP is like trying to save money to buy a house by collecting dimes from behind your dryer while driving a…

Never fear, y’all. Walmart has an extremely vested interest in keeping SNAP exactly the way it is, their lobby will stop this crap.

Shame! Shame! Shame! Sorry, I meant — Shame! — here’s your food — Shame! — poors! We’re hoping to — Shame! — find a way — Shame! — for you to eat coal! Shame! Shame! Shame!

Two things...

So witches float and wizards sink?