Hi.

SHEIKHS! AYATOLLAHS! IMAMS! JAFAR FROM ALADDIN! PEDOPHILES FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD! THEY WERE ALL INTERESTED IN THIS UNDERAGE GIRL!

Here's a palate cleanser. Everything about this story is the worst.

Is it wrong that I have a soft spot for RiffRaff? Guy makes me smile...mainly because I always picture this:

Holy moly, do I HATE the interviews on Jeopardy. I was telling my wife the other day about my fantasy of how that would go down if I was ever on the show:

A little off the topic of British cats but relevant to American government cats: I have never fully forgiven the Clintons for dumping Socks the cat onto Bill’s secretary once they left office and keeping their dog (who died from getting run over soon after). Hillary needs to adopt a cat and prove she is now committed…

Here’s hoping you make it to the actual wedding Lindsay. I already saw reports this morning saying there’s no engagement. Don’t let these rumors/truths flourish girl. Get your press.

So is this Russian guy a good influence sort or what? Idk why, but I've got a soft spot for Lindsay and I just want her to do well.

Interesting how she’s only tangentially concerned with her clothes covering her “back privates.” Could this be leading up to the launch of a range of assless chaps?

When you’re as fat as me and Paula, it’s more flattering to have shirts that cover your awakward fat apron in the front and flabby ass in the back. Shirts that stop at the waistline look awful on me. :(

AND OBVIOUSLY RUPAUL

I like that probable-alien Ted Cruz is eating aluminum foil.

I would need this sized mug if I had the same scrutiny in my life as Hillary Clinton.

This is actually really depressing. We’re finally watching the OJ thing on FX and my first thought seeing her pining for the cake was Marcia Clark and all the abuse she got for her clothes/hair/being a woman. :/

You’re going to put Howard Stern above Terry Gross? No.

I’m sorry that she had to go through all of that surgery and trauma and have it all fail because of something so seemingly minor.

I don't know if anyone else cares, but they were driving behind me on the freeway last week!!! It was glorious.

No, this is all one looong game to mess with Tyga. They’ll probably name their kid “Tony the Kardashian” or something.

OMG I HOPE SHE GETS PREGNANT LIKE RIGHT AWAY