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I feel like there are 3 people who get tiny houses.

Stopped talking to my family.

Yesterday morning while I was in the shower I reflected (yet again) on how I had a ginormous crush on my English teacher in high school and how fucking embarrassing I was about it — particularly the mixtapes I made for him at the end of the year. Fuck me.

My Horny Zionist Summer used to play constantly on Showtime at 2 a.m.

Pretty much. My aunt calls it being built too close to the water.

I feel like I’m slowly turning into this person and I hate it. Ugh.

I cried like a baby in the cinema at the end of Peter Jackson’s King Kong. I feel able to defend crying at giant monkey movies because Homer does it too.
“It’s so unfair. Just because he’s different!”

Fan - “Oh yeah...well try walking on water!”

Which season of GBBS? Even Mary Berry was tearing up when Nadiya won, so you’d be in good company.

Cried uncontrollably when Nadiya won.

Have you seen Looper? I went into that movie ready to laugh at Joseph Gordon Levitt’s hilarious prosthetic nose and/or lament the fall of Bruce Willis for 2 hours, but then they had to go throw that psychotic telekinetic kid who gets talked back softly from the murderous edge by his mom (mom’s sister? can’t remember)…

It’s that piano interlude in GBBS, savage.

No.

I’m starting to think these people aren’t that smart.

From “We never spoke to the Russians” to “Is collusion even illegal?”

everybody get off my lawn

No, my kid drinks from the hose!

I don’t want to report you to DCFS until I verify, but is that a used Aquafina bottle you filled with tap water you gave to your kid for rehydration? Because I have to say, unless that is a BPA-free container filled with purified electrolyte-infused bottled water, there are going to be problems.

Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are…