If you french fry when you’re supposed to pizza, you’re going to have a bad time

Yes. German Madrazo. However here are some key differences:

I tried skiing for the first time recently and can attest to how brilliant this performance was. Not once in this run did she fall over and roll around trying to get back to her skis.

She hasn’t gotten to Pizza yet. Next week the instructor says.

She french fries the entire way down. I watched three times just to be sure. Doesn’t pizza even once. This woman should be on a stamp.

Yo, what are you talking about? She makes it all the way up to the blue line five out of six times, doesn’t fall down, SKIS BACKWARDS, and doesn’t degrade herself or her country with showboating theatrics. Just good, clean skiing. Give this woman the Gold medal for efficiency and self respect.

Of course! The ultimate plan for covert agents to ruin Russia... Foil their bronze in fucking curling with a doping scandal!

The head of Russia’s curling federation suggested Krushelnitckii had food or drink spiked with the drug, possibly by Russia’s political enemies.

Thanks for the correction. Somehow forgot about that, probably because this just felt so much more hilarious.

this is not first doping bust of the 2018 Olympics. That title goes to speedskater from Japan Kei Saito.

I had to check a couple times to make sure this wasn’t an Onion article.

I will be honest, I did not expect the first doping bust of the Olympics be from curling. And in a weird way I found my respect for it increased because of it.

Of course scandals like this are nothing new in curling. Last year at the Tournament of Hearts the Skip of the Manitoba team was busted for having a blood-alcohol level under .12. The sport still hasn’t recovered.

It was like she was trying to fuck the national anthem.

And to think, just the other day I told my boyfriend “ you know what America needs right now? Someone to butcher the national anthem in a sultry jazzy way in front of millions of people.”

Happy Birthday Mr. United States.

I actually think you undersold how bad that was.

I know she’s divorced now, but she’s got to be really desperate to want to fuck a song that badly.

It was weirdly breathy. Sing the song, don’t show up drunk and try to fuck it.

Did she say “proo through the night”? Jesus.