I was once in the window seat of a row of three. There was a gentleman in the aisle seat. As the boarding process ended, it became clear that the middle seat was to remain blissfully empty and I felt immediate relief, until the gentleman picked himself up, scooted over, and started to lower his ass into the vacant…

ded.

To get one’s cup back to sparkly clean, a soak in 50/50 solution of hydrogen peroxide and water does the trick. I don’t do this every month, but only when the stains bother me. I’ll soak it for a day or so and it looks like new.

Animals that manage to escape should get a pass on slaughter. I like burgers, but I like sneaky animals more.

I am hoping for an under-the-sea libertarian utopia. They can call it a Biblical/Christian eschatological name, since the Bible is something Trump loves so much and reads all the time, and play with sea slugs. What could go wrong?

banned

I YELLED “OH NO”

suddenly neku atsume got a whole lot filthier

#NotAllMen

Yeah, she might not be completely stupid but she’s at least three-fifths stupid.

The really funny thing is that South Carolina had a law against interracial marriage on the books until 1998. Nope, nothing race-based to see here.

being from Portland is really fucking embarrassing sometimes

Noooo he just, you know, is really busy with work. So he really needs some space but it’s just a break. Plus because his parents are divorced he’s kind of nervous about commitment and he just freaked out a little. But remember when he called last week wasted to come over at 4 am? He wouldn’t have called if he didnt…

I love you.

We got married last year and my husband took my last name. It’s so freaking awesome. We can weed out a lot of closeted bigots by their reaction, and gain quick friends who think it is awesome too. Such a simple act that speaks volumes about what we value.

I’m sad because I see that she’s rooting around for a nipple to latch onto just like my little polar bear (actually a human boy) did at that age. Luckily for him, I was right next to him to cuddle and feed. WHERE’S HER MAMA? [sobbing].

Other than giving up bagels and cream cheese, it’s a very reasonable list

Well done, ladies. You’re doing the atheist, liberal, pinko commie, gun-control-believing, pro-choice-having, Obamacare-voting Lord’s work.

How I picture Ellie and Joanna

When I came home for Christmas break after my first semester at college I ended up hanging out with a guy who I had met right before I left for school. We were flirty and our personalities meshed really well, but we were both awkward as fuck. I really wanted to hook up with him (assuming the feeling was mutual) but I…