The mark of someone terrible at their profession:

As one adopted person to any others: It does get better. You punch those fuckers in the face and then they know better.

Props to the kid for the "Oh, did you give birth to your husband?" comment.

One time I'm at Walgreens to buy condoms and there's another dude in the condom aisle, as soon as I saddle up next to him to make my purchase he grabs up a box of magnums and starts looking at them intently when just a second before he was all into some trojans.

It's not Google Glass, it's you...you are a wanker.

Next on his vendetta list—The Onion! Did you know most of their stories aren't even TRUE?!

As much as I worry about people who will be assholes like this lady when this tech becomes ubiquituous, I can't wait to watch people use it to catch cops in the act of being horrible monsters

Hate to be the bearer of bad news... but a LOT of people think Stephen Colbert is a legit hardcore right-winger that should have his own show on Fox News. I've had to walk away from people instead of explaining.

I think this proves that Colbert's show is working. It entertains liberals and annoys conservatives. Well done.

THIS. My super conservative republican brother in law was reading I Am America (And So Can You) a few years ago and I commented that I liked Stephen Colbert too - I am always looking for things we have in common, since we are ideologically pretty distinct. He was befuddled, saying "I didn't think you would like…

Nation, it is a sad day in American history today. A day that will live in infamy for generations to come. A day which, in all likelihood will become a federal holiday to remember the damage done.

Responding to a satirist with harrumphy self-importance typically goes really, really well.

To the couple: When I was first out of college, my sister's father died and I had to choose between petitioning for custody, letting her go into foster care, living a with a friend of the family, or going back to live with our very inept, unstable mother. She's been with me now for almost six years, and while I would…

There was a "farm" near where I lived. It was a cattle ranch that also grew the food they fed the cows. They never called it an orphanage, but that's what it was. 5 big houses, with 10 bedrooms each, 2 boys per room, and one "foster parent" set per house.

Thank you for reminding me I was planning to order one of your books then accidentally closed the tab and spaced on it.

If that happens, come back here and share the link because I have no idea how I would ever find that!!

I would read the crap out of that story.

Oh, those pesky olds, coming in and ruining everything.

I'm getting super tired of the ageism on Jezebel. Let's remember that, if everything works out great, we all sit on the same stair eventually. I hope I get old.

The idea of Tinder scares me for some reason.