I hang stuff in the bathroom when I take super hot showers. I hate ironing. I hate steaming. I would rather just live in one big wrinkle.

I pack twice as many undies as days I’m staying somewhere and my friends think I’m a madwoman when I open my suitcase and it’s half undies.

Southcum... that’s the name of the guide’s farm. That’s all I can contribute.

I have the worst handwriting when I try to write in block letters (for contracts/official documents/etc where it is required), but have a beautiful, flowy, cursive.

When my really, really beloved grandmother died, I was far away in college. I flew back for the funeral, cried for about 4 days straight and left before her estate was split up. My dad acted as my proxy. The rest of my female cousins selected fancy, expensive jewelry to “remember” her by. What did my dad select for…

My sister is gluten-intolerant, not full on celiac (she’ll poop for ages and spend the whole day she’s not pooping in bed sweating if she accidentally eats gluten but doesn’t end up in the hospital), so this might be good for people like her.

This is also Houston, where all alternate routes are probably also congested.

Oh my god... my boyfriend does this with Tabasco. He says he’s enhancing the flavors. I say the flavors are not going to be enhanced by a vinegary mess.

I HATE cake smashing. Where I’m from they smash your face into the cake. You’re ruining perfectly good cake! And it hurts! My family never does it, but pretty much every other family in my country does. It was my 20th birthday, I wasn’t expecting to have my face smashed in because of my family not doing it, and right…

It has been suggested to me I use my own shed hair and my cats’ s shed fur to make blankets for the needy since we produce such large quantities anyway.

Well now I’m sad since I went to Trudy’s at least once a week, always overtipped and was super nice to the waiters, even if my table was forgotten for a while in the rush of Mexican Martini Mondays and never got anything comped.

I had a physics professor from China who always talked about sparkly surfaces. After many diagrams and lessons where I wanted to cry because I had no idea why the surface was sparkly I realized... spherical. He was talking about spherical surfaces.

Moral of the story is: No matter your body type, someone will find a way to shame it.

Catch a falling dick and put it in your pocket.

Kids aren’t assholes, they care for others. They just appear to be assholes because they haven’t mustered caring for people who they don’t know exist.

Yup. I'm terrified of being told off by a parent for telling of their child because I hate confrontation so I do it on the sly. It work though!

I flew Frankfurt to Dallas (long fucking flight) with a family of 2 parents and 7 children in front, behind and next to me. (I can’t even fathom the stress of going through an airport with so many children.) The first thing the dad says to me when he sets his 5ish year old down behind me is “Haha, you’re going to get…

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Poke my purple penis?

I know, I’m from a city very near Tequila, Mexico. And you’re totally right! The label in German threw me off, as well as the lack of an importation seal??? (not sure if that’s the name in English) but just checked and yup... “beste Qualität aus Mexico”....