That, and gloria Allred doesn’t dump you as a client unless she knows you’re sus or probably full or shit.

Wow, he sounds like he is covering his ass. Those texts between his ex-wife and Effie sound conspiratorial as fuck though. I’m not trying to stan for him whatsoever, BUT holy crap do those sound sus.

Woooooooowwww... As if I didn’t already feel old as it is!

It’s amazing what you can do with good eating, relaxation and lying about cosmetic surgery

Isn’t Madonna infamously late? Maybe she takes after her mom.

It appears to be denim bib overalls, but with the legs split open, then re-sewn together at the back to turn the bottom part into a skirt (or the whole thing into a dress? I’m not sure on the terminology.) That contraption is then paired with a denim jacket, which may or may not be attached to the overalls. (I really…

Can you imagine chanting in support for a stranger to be let into a fashion show?  

I’ve never known how the celebrity children do it, at least the ones who try to be socialites. If I spent most of my time saying, “But I’m Madonna’s daughter!” in order to get into clubs and restaurants, I’d probably have to hide in a cave for the rest of my life.

Show up on time. How hard can it be? It's not like she was just getting off of a double shift at the local Chili's or something...

Dressing your children identically will always be creepy as fuck.

Her taste in clothes is better than her taste in men, I’ll at least give her that. 

“he asked his mistress for a “sucky.”

Nope. It’s straight being an asshole to a woman who was harassed and embarrassed on TV. Then having the nerve to say it was good for her. Rich Juzwiak treats women like this a lot. 

I meant his massive collection of old game balls. What did you think I meant?

Besides anything else, that baby has been cleaned. We’re expected to believe that the nurses took the baby away, washed it up, put a hat on it and at no point did the baby let go of the IUD and nobody took it away.

Okay, okay, hear me out. Did Tom retire, realize his marriage sucked, decided against doing anything about it, sign back up for football to avoid marriage, get dumped, and then decide to actually retire? I mean some people just don’t want to deal, so maybe?

“But I didn’t realise, twenty-odd years on, that his inherited fame was going to involve seeing him do that one expression in every photo, that sort of half-squint and neutral mouth expression that says ‘No I don’t need glasses I can read it just fine’.”

Good for her moving on with a new guy 8 years her junior instead of Tom Brady and his old balls. 

I wonder if anyone has told Prince Andrew that “Baby Spice” is in fact a fully grown woman.

I also feel like the planning has been going on forever and ever now. Either do it or end the monarchy already, you know?