Bill Clinton had Paul killed and replaced with a psychological operative in the late 60s when McCartney threatened to expose his position as a CIA stooge charged with keeping tabs on countercultural revolutionaries at Georgetown. #paulisdead #rigged

Dude wasn't joking.

"Rome Burning in Man Form"
- John Oliver

"Tangerine Poop Bucket"
-Colbert

I know this might be hard to accept, but I just want you to consider the notion that you're a full-on crazy person.

This seems like a shameful waste of both bacon and whiskey. Here's my corrective recipe:

Bob and Carol and Ted and Batman

Clinton already has more than just her base voting for her, thanks to the shitfuckery of the other guy. She needs the apathetic vote, and the voting-for-Johnson-or-Stein-as-if-it-will-help-matters-instead-of-Ralph-Nadering-us-into-a-nightmare-bizarro-universe vote.

But who gets the role of "Beaty"?

Agreed. Who knew the Vulcan Hand Salute could be so useful?

Also, the debates.

All that shit on Netflix I've been saving for next month.

Today I saw the tattered remains of the American Flag hanging from the antenna of someone's SUV and I thought much the same thing.

Speaking as someone who was a small child when the original trilogy was released, and a young adult when the second happened, as soon as Jar Jar said "Exsqueeze me" within the first ten minutes, Lucas had a lot of ground to make up. The lack of chemistry between characters and the blank stares of McGregor and Neeson…

Crazy Bernie's in the belfry, baby, playin' with the bats
Little Marco's downtown in front of voters tryin' the small hands thing in front of all the cats
Cooper's on the networks, riggin' the debates
Obama, he's in the White House, startin' up Islamic States
He'll be there in that chair when they elect my hair, and you…

Now, now. Let's not rehash that whole Bill Clinton thing.

That was Robert Durst. I get them confused all the time.

*throws up on iPhone, sticks it in bag of uncooked rice, makes mental note not to cook and eat rice later*