Devonta Freeman: (grabs ball thrown at him before it hits ground)

Eh, committing actual crimes is more of a Ravens thing.

[takes Steve Smith out of fantasy football lineup]

Roethlisberger: “Are we going for two?”

I am proud* to be an Eagles fan. It’s one of my favorite things about myself.* And I am sure,* based on my complete confidence in the good-will of Philadelphians generally* and the level-headed opinion leadership provided by the local media,* that Eagles fans will take this in stride* and maintain their positivity*…

Harvick is an asshole. There, I said it.

(cowboys can’t convert on 4th down early in 2nd quarter)

I think I can speak for all football fans when I say that it’s really disappointing that this didn’t also happen to Tom Brady.

Bad picks? Stumbling on his ass? Getting blown out by Mariota’s team?

If the Pats really wanted to draw Big Ben offsides, all they needed to do was have their safety wear a short skirt.

There's something enjoyable about watching Rodgers rip a team apart from a healthy and comfortable pocket for 2.5 quarters, especially after a long offseason. And I say this as a Vikings fan who hates the Packers.

Packers at Bears gets five throwgasms? Do you like games that are over by the end of the first quarter? Where the MVP candidate sits out the last quarter and a half?

I mean, am i a douche for believing (if this account is true) that Jordan should be suspended multiple games?

Wayne Laribee and Larry McCarren on the radio for me, thanks.

Love that the first guy to check on Favre is named Farwell.

(gibberish) GOD (gibberish) THE LORD (gibberish) BELIVE IN YOURSELF (gibberish) DIG DEEP (gibberish) PERSEVERE (gibberish) GOD AGAIN

No, never get rid of Emmit. Get rid of Robert Evans’ MVP Watch. That shit is dated-comedic poison.

Ray Lewis makes Emmitt Smith sound like Churchill.

I think for your dick joke Jambaroos you should retire Emmit Smith’s portion and replace it with a gobledygook inspirational nonsense quote from Ray Lewis.

It’s been 10 years since Hurricane Katrina, and you probably already know this is because seven million writers all descended upon the town this summer to craft their own meditations on what it all MEANS.