Ah, Lifehacker, it’s your predilection for publishing lifehacks only useful to socially awkward unemployed millennials who don’t know how to do their taxes but have somehow managed to accumulate a lifetime supply of Sugru that makes you the funniest comedy site on the Internet.

I don’t even see the Matrix code anymore. All I see is... blonde, brunette, redhead...

Nummetra may cause objective blindness, momentary confusion when teleporting, turret syndrome and fits of rage. Nummetra should not be used with alcohol.

Oh yeah.

Pokemon Go players love waiting for it to come out

Take it from me, it's no small thing to wake up next to a beautiful brunette every morning, but that pleasure is diminished greatly when it's accompanied by the staccato soundtrack of fists pounding on the door. That would've been bad any day, but I'd spent half last night trying to keep news beyond the walls of the…