Beyoncé is a feminist messenger? I admit that I don't pay all that much attention to her...what've I missed? Someone please help me out.

omg i want to punch this face so bad

Maybe we'll just call her Jabba June?

since he was convicted, you can drop the "allegedly"

I have never had a boil, but if I did, I imagine it would look like Mama June.

can we stop calling her Mama June???

This is going to be one of those things they just get around having to explain away by saying God spoke suddenly, right? In a few years, God's just going to change His mind on funeral potatoes like He did on multiple wives and black people being unable to achieve the priesthood, I can only assume.

Oh for fuck's sake, Mormons.

Hi. So, the first story is mine. I assure you, I didn't write it to be mean-spirited, but because it was absolutely hilarious. The guy was super nice, ate his meal, and like I said in the story, he said it was delicious. He even laughed when I explained that he had just had an entire meal at an Indian restaurant…

ALLERGIC TO RED.

From Revelations (which would be a perfect name for a Christian themed strip club)

To be fair, the Thirty-Eleventh Amendment of the Constitution does say, "Thou art entitled to the full name and home address of any stripper for whom thou prayest." Or am I confusing the Constitution with the Ten Commandments again?

You would think an omniscient God would be able to figure it out.

Addendum: I love that Florida is defined as having great family values.

I used to leave secret tips to make up for my dad, the King of Cheap, who would leave 5-7%. I would pretend to leave something at the table, then go back to drop more money so the server wouldn't get screwed.

Is it wrong that I'm picturing this guy as Hagrid?

Celebrity Edition!

People feel compelled to bend over backwards because of people like you who are so hypersensitive about not APPEARING to be racist, that they actually ignore the real, legitimate issues of race in this case. It's not about the kid's melanin levels. It's not about the parents not loving their kid as much. It's about…

Why is it "gross" to sue over a mistake like this? It's absolutely about race, and it's absolutely okay.

What's wrong with a carpet volcano? Sounds like it would make cleaning fun!