I have never read a Jezebel comment I wanted to upvote a trillion times until I just read yours. THANK YOU. Tons and tons of respect and admiration for writing that. Hope you’re enjoying your holiday. :)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA fuck outta here, sugar tits. This is Deadspin you stupid swamp-puss bitch. :-)

Liberals, fiercely in favor of personal freedom for all unless they disagree with something you want to be free to do/say/listen to/believe in. Yeah I get that the headline and conceit here are in jest, and yet. And yet.

Oh and BTW I voted Obama in 2008 & 2016 and for Clinton this year. And yet, I’m making this comment…

I have to agree with this assessment. I wouldn’t have phrased it quite as harshly, but yeah that’s certainly what I was thinking on the inside.

You.....have challenges that go deeper than whether you like or dislike the city you’re currently in. You need to relax a little, buddy.

I’m listening. I wouldn’t mind your maybe dumbing down your stories just a little tiny bit so civilians can try to follow along, but I am listening. Go on.

Why does Jezebel write mockingly about Christianity but never other religions?

Hope he offs himself in the most boring and cowardly fashion possible. Nothing big and grandiose and legendary, no going out in a blaze of glory. Pills, or car exhaust, something like that.

Fuck him, fuck celebrities and fuck Jezebel comment threads.

He’s still hot af. Would. The guy playing him in the re-enactment can totally join us, too.

Oh, honey. This is Jezebel comment threads. Critical thinking skills and minority opinions, no matter how obviously factually correct, are not welcomed here.

Yeah. Uhm. What fucking hellhole are you living in where this shit actually happens “all the time”, but where you also have internet access and speak fluent English? Mid-size American cities are obviously not the only places in the universe where human beings live, but in the one where I live? No. This does not happen…

The woke nephew stock footage guy is fucking hot. Call me.

I realize that articles like this quite clearly indicate how poor my chances are, but Drew Magary is a fucking BABE and I badly want to rip him away from his family and do nasty circuit party gay freak shit with him for the next 5 or so years. After that he probably won’t be hot anymore and his family can have him…

The first story was fantastic. All of the others, literally all of them, were boring stories and poorly written.

THANK YOU. Jesus, I thought I was the only person who thought that.

This is a great question, why wasn’t it ever answered?? :(

I have a penis, have sex exclusively with other people who also have penises, and I loooooooooooooove Miatas! I wonder if one has anything to do with the other?

I watched this entire thing, then defecated it on several friends’ Facebook pages. I’m a fucking asshole. :-)

She is, really? Pro-choice and pro-marriage equality are beliefs you associate with “mainstream Republicans”? I’m asking rhetorically, please don’t answer or ever fucking speak again. Idiotic fact-denying liberals are every single bit as pathetic and toxic as idiotic fact-denying conservatives. They, and you, need to…

I would bang the snot out of both Drew Magary and Mark Halperin. Not even kidding. I have a titanium-level boner right now just thinking about it, if you want to know.