Truth.

The AV Club

Well, this quarter, if we collect enough pubes, we get casual Fridays all summer!

All class! Pardon my villainous monologuing.

Yes, due to faulty cloaking equipment at Monday's hearing, my cover was blown. I'm now assigned to shallow cover monitoring of Univision's growing stable of nerds and malcontents.

Exactly - can't have that. To that end, please submit a hair sample. Doesn't matter whose.

Right? What a crackpot!

*data mines anecdotes, IP addresses, and butt plug wikis*

Deep cover.

Thank you for your service, Chuck. We have one last assignment for you.

And you are no match for us, hedge wizard. Nothing will stop us from stealing ALL of the flat-earther's Twitter-essence. The sigil in the Electoral College cannot be broken!

*sigh* I don't get FX. I-I've said too much…

Boy, can ya!

Don't blame me, I voted for zombie Harambe with a Nazi brain.

*cartoon, deep-state goblin disappears Young_R and replaces Young_R with a replicant*

Snitches get stitches, Andrew. Back to the pizza parlor with you for reeducation!

This Necronomicon has been brought to you by…Hormel Black Bacon.
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Well what else am I supposed to do with it? Sure it's delicious, but so fatty.

I really wish you wouldn't return my test results this way, doctor.

I was just trying to hypnotize Comey to give me his Hulu password. I want to watch Handmaid's Tale.